Performance Anxiety

   There is an opening for a new principal cellist in my favorite orchestra, for which there will be an audition in the spring.
   If we were not a union organization and did things simply by acclamation, all of us would definitely vote for the acting principal (who is officially assistant principal) to get the job. She is a fine cellist and probably the best musician in our midst, period.
   The way things USED to be done in this place, lots and lots of gravitas played a part in who got what positions, regardless of actual qualifications. This method of operation meant that my aforementioned colleague, for twenty-some years endured sitting second fiddle (no pun intended........well okay, maybe it was) to a woman who was given the principal chair entirely as the result of cronyism, and whose sound I can only describe as student-like.
   Now that said crony has finally, blessedly retired, the position is now going to be legitimately auditioned for.
  I wish that my colleague could be given the position which was stolen from her so many years ago, as she truly deserves it. We are, however trying to do things in a more fair and non-biased atmosphere now (supposedly), and so she must work up the required audition repertoire to compete for the spot if she wishes to remain sitting there.
   Should she decide to go ahead and audition, and if she wins the position, that would leave the assistant principal position open. That designation also requires an audition. This is where I come in....
   I'm not terribly ambitious in wanting the accolades for being "up front" in the conductors inner circle, but there is a bit of a pay difference, and that I can certainly use. I am strongly considering auditioning myself, in the hopes of landing the assistant job (assuming my friend is awarded what she is due). Only trouble is, I haven't auditioned for anything in over twenty years and the prospect of getting my fingers in the kind of shape required is daunting. Not impossible, mind you, but scary nonetheless.
   My "resume" will look quite ridiculous compared to the young guns who will undoubtedly go for it, as I do not have any music degrees. I don't know how important the paperwork is to our new conductor, but he seems to be a fair minded enough guy to take a person's more obvious skills into consideration. Question is, how obvious will my playing skills be under pressure?
I've been working on a concerto off and on for several months, but with my luck it won't be on the repertoire list. If there will be sight reading I wish that the Messiah would be included...It's a tough one to schlep through if you don't already know it, and any truly knowledgeable conductor would realize that.
Being both a bassoonist and a baritone, he just might be of the same mind..........
The repertoire list is supposed to be posted by the first of the year, and so I should know soon whether or not to bother giving it a go. I am keeping my fingers crossed!