The following is a letter I wish I could send to the conductor of one of my two orchestras:

"Dear Maestro,

   You have been with our little orchestra for only a couple of months now, but I feel as though you have known us for years. Your skill with the baton and your relaxed style have made working with you such a wonderful experience.
   Thank you for the attention that you give to fixing intonation problems and balance issues, and for not nit-picking everything to death. Thank you for letting us go early, and for being so approachable.
   I so look forward to the rest of our seasons with you at the helm, and gladly work my hardest to do justice to such humanity."

The following is a letter I wish I could write to the conductor of my other orchestra:

"Dear Conductor,

   I hate to be so unkind, but I find it increasingly difficult to convince myself to drive the 70 miles from home to each rehearsal with you.      
   It is frustrating to hear you gripe about the string sections playing out of tune when the winds and brass consistently play a quarter-tone sharp, if not more. How CAN we play in tune when the loudest sounds in the ensemble are not right?  You say, "fix the pitch!!" but can't tell us what to do TO fix it.
   Your seating choices for each section are based largely in ignorance. You seem to be constantly on the lookout for the best and brightest talent in the area, only trouble is you don't understand what you already have right in front of you. You behave as though quality is your top priority, but you neglect to account for experience when some young kid with fast fingers dazzles you with a concerto. You also neglect to account for your own responsibility in the success or failure of a performance.
   This group is filled with many of the same musicians as my other orchestra, but it is not the same professionally run kind of organization. It is a pickup orchestra, with no job security or fairness whatsoever. Individuals who have duly auditioned for a position in the ensemble and been accepted BY YOU are consistently overlooked for gigs with a reduced number of players in favor of hiring some young hot-shot who isn't a "member". They are also paid significantly less than several players who never had to audition at all.
   You have no clue how to work with a soloist. In the last six or seven years during which I have played for you, there have been only two soloists with whom you have been able to maintain effective communication during their piece. You spend so much time glaring at the woodwinds that you cease listening to the person who is most important. Your own flagellations on the podium distract you from focusing on how the soloist is interpreting the music. You also have the habit of "predicting" how fast a soloist will go, and if they are Russian, then they will obviously go like lightning! Remind me sometime to tell you the story of two Russian pianists who each played the same Rachmaninoff piece at vastly different tempi........At any rate, you program your own idea of tempo into your arms, and when a soloist takes a different one, you can't adjust.
   And lastly, you are the worst kind of micromanager. You think that you are the only person who can make the right decisions for this orchestra, and refuse to seek competent advice. You have a load of energy, to be sure, but you waste it on being a self-centered jerk. This approach may have helped build the audiences for our concerts for the time being, but sooner or later folks will get tired of your antics and decide to stay home on the weekend. I am rapidly coming to that point, myself."

Sincerely......................"